A Fork in the Road

Amongst the many changes that that come with losing Wentworth, is that the next year of my life has suddenly become open ended. I say a year, because if it's advisable and possible to get pregnant again, my due date is likely at least a year away. Timeline: I have to wait until January 30th to get information back from my doctor and that will be my 6 weeks post partum check-up. From there we may be able to start trying immediately or wait anywhere from the 3-6 months post partum mark depending on medical recommendations. There is also no guarantee how long conceiving will take, and gestation is generally 9 months.

So...originally I had planned to be at home with Dexter and Baby Boy #2 (I say it like that because we wouldn't have chosen the name Wentworth without this unique circumstance) for at least a year. Now, I don't know if I should continue to stay home with Dexter or pursue working outside the home or even from the home. I don't really have a problem staying busy at home between my Mommy Group, being a mom and being a wife. But the question is, am I emotionally & intellectually fulfilled by staying home? And is it financially feasible for me to stay at home right now?

Cons of going back to work:

-If Tyler is working then Dexter would be in a day home or day care. However, if Dexter gets sick then I would likely have to take time off of work to be home with him. Unless of course, I had some sort of back-up childcare like a possible other Mommy who was willing to take him when he's sick. SO, I'd have to find a job where they were willing to work with that. Not necessarily an easy task.

-Other than temping work, I haven't had a "job" since December 2007. That's a long time! It would be a huge adjustment to me to have to get up each morning, get myself and Dexter ready and be at work. It would also be a huge adjustment for me to be responsible to someone else with my time and energy. Not to mention the adjustment of learning rules, regulations, responsibilities, etc. I'm not sure if I'm up for that.

-It would really take a bite out of my Mommy Mingle social life, which I thoroughly enjoy. The majority of the playdates are during the weekday so we would no longer be able to attend those. I could always host weekend playdates myself, but I would definitely feel as though I am missing out as I wouldn't see my regular friends as much.

-The structure and socializing of child care for Dexter should mostly be positive. Though kids in day care tend to be sick more often from more exposure and I also run the risk of other people's morals influencing my child more than my own. Boo on that. It's also a possibility that Dexter could pick up the other kids' bad habits.

Pros of going back to work:

-Money obviously. Though numbers would have to be crunch on child care vs. salary to see exactly how much I actually would be bringing in.

-Emotional fulfillment of socializing on a daily basis with other adults. I do get a lot of this from my friends right now, but it may be nice to expand my social circle. However, socializing with other Mom's and their families is a lot more complimentary to our life right now (i.e. it's less stressful to have my kid at someone's house who has kids than a single person's).

-Intellectual/mental fulfillment: I really miss some of the mundane work I did and the resulting ego boost it gave me. I've always enjoyed change and learning new things and contributing to 'society' in a measurable way (mommyhood is so overlooked and underappreciated). For the most part I feel like I have excelled at each job I have held and made many positive relationships within each job so working has usually be a positive experience.

-Structure wise, it has been good for me to have a job. I tend to be more efficient and productive people. The old adage that busy people get things done is true for me.

At the end of the day, it is way too soon for me to make any decisions. I worry that I'll choose something (such as work) just to fill the void that has been created and that might not be a good thing. I want to make the decision being truly behind it, because I don't want to regret it two weeks down the road and then have the backlash that would come with that (burnt bridges, lost deposits or payments, etc).