A Fork in the Road

Amongst the many changes that that come with losing Wentworth, is that the next year of my life has suddenly become open ended. I say a year, because if it's advisable and possible to get pregnant again, my due date is likely at least a year away. Timeline: I have to wait until January 30th to get information back from my doctor and that will be my 6 weeks post partum check-up. From there we may be able to start trying immediately or wait anywhere from the 3-6 months post partum mark depending on medical recommendations. There is also no guarantee how long conceiving will take, and gestation is generally 9 months.

So...originally I had planned to be at home with Dexter and Baby Boy #2 (I say it like that because we wouldn't have chosen the name Wentworth without this unique circumstance) for at least a year. Now, I don't know if I should continue to stay home with Dexter or pursue working outside the home or even from the home. I don't really have a problem staying busy at home between my Mommy Group, being a mom and being a wife. But the question is, am I emotionally & intellectually fulfilled by staying home? And is it financially feasible for me to stay at home right now?

Cons of going back to work:

-If Tyler is working then Dexter would be in a day home or day care. However, if Dexter gets sick then I would likely have to take time off of work to be home with him. Unless of course, I had some sort of back-up childcare like a possible other Mommy who was willing to take him when he's sick. SO, I'd have to find a job where they were willing to work with that. Not necessarily an easy task.

-Other than temping work, I haven't had a "job" since December 2007. That's a long time! It would be a huge adjustment to me to have to get up each morning, get myself and Dexter ready and be at work. It would also be a huge adjustment for me to be responsible to someone else with my time and energy. Not to mention the adjustment of learning rules, regulations, responsibilities, etc. I'm not sure if I'm up for that.

-It would really take a bite out of my Mommy Mingle social life, which I thoroughly enjoy. The majority of the playdates are during the weekday so we would no longer be able to attend those. I could always host weekend playdates myself, but I would definitely feel as though I am missing out as I wouldn't see my regular friends as much.

-The structure and socializing of child care for Dexter should mostly be positive. Though kids in day care tend to be sick more often from more exposure and I also run the risk of other people's morals influencing my child more than my own. Boo on that. It's also a possibility that Dexter could pick up the other kids' bad habits.

Pros of going back to work:

-Money obviously. Though numbers would have to be crunch on child care vs. salary to see exactly how much I actually would be bringing in.

-Emotional fulfillment of socializing on a daily basis with other adults. I do get a lot of this from my friends right now, but it may be nice to expand my social circle. However, socializing with other Mom's and their families is a lot more complimentary to our life right now (i.e. it's less stressful to have my kid at someone's house who has kids than a single person's).

-Intellectual/mental fulfillment: I really miss some of the mundane work I did and the resulting ego boost it gave me. I've always enjoyed change and learning new things and contributing to 'society' in a measurable way (mommyhood is so overlooked and underappreciated). For the most part I feel like I have excelled at each job I have held and made many positive relationships within each job so working has usually be a positive experience.

-Structure wise, it has been good for me to have a job. I tend to be more efficient and productive people. The old adage that busy people get things done is true for me.

At the end of the day, it is way too soon for me to make any decisions. I worry that I'll choose something (such as work) just to fill the void that has been created and that might not be a good thing. I want to make the decision being truly behind it, because I don't want to regret it two weeks down the road and then have the backlash that would come with that (burnt bridges, lost deposits or payments, etc).

Pet Peeve

I frequently talk about how Dexter is such a busy & inquisitive child. From observing other kids in my group, his behavior seem normal, but I still sometimes find it exhausting as I'm more of a passive person and so is Tyler. What irritates me is when people feel the need to say things like "just wait soon you'll have two of them" or "how will you handle two?"

First of all, I am not popping out another toddler. Babies, while needy, are very good at staying on one place & not getting into everything. When baby #2 grows to Dexter's age, Dexter will be older and hopefully past the crazy toddler busy-ness though I'm sure onto other adventures.

Secondly, each child is unique with their own personalities and quirks. While we just may get a Dexter carbon copy, it is more likely that he'll have his own temperament and new challenges to go with it.

Thirdly, I am anxious enough about how our lives are changing again and how I'm going to need to learn, grow and adapt again. I don't need other people's negativity to add to that, especially when it's too late to change our minds! Luckily a few of my friend have had second babies and all appear to be not only surviving but enjoying themselves as well. I remember a time when I had no kids and was completely baffled by how I would add a child to the mix. We did it once successfully!

Irritable New Dynamics

Tyrone (my brother-in-law) has a new girlfriend, Bobbie. I met her for the first time this summer and have seen her on a few occasions now. She's nice enough but something about her drives me crazy. I find her immature acting, and quite negatively opinionated. Tyrone calls her down a lot and she allows it, which I'm not cool with. Then this weekend and last weekend I've noticed that she interferes with my parenting which drives me bananas. If I am in the room, it is up to me to tell my child when he can and cannot do. If we are at Mary's house then she is qualified to intervene as well, but Tyrone and Bobbie are not welcome to say "Dexter don't touch that" "Finish your supper" or "You have to ask for that".

For a time, Tyrone was getting to a point where he wasn't so condescending and bossy, where I could tolerate him. Well he is right back to where I can't stand him anymore. We were meant to host a Christmas party today with Kyla, Shelley & families but due to the weather they couldn't make it. I decided to invite Mary, Tyrone & Bobbie over as they were all in Edmonton so supper wouldn't go to waste. I found myself being rude in that I could barely hold a conversation with Bobbie and Tyrone nor make eye contact with them because they were so irritating. For Christmas this year we are set up to share a cabin with them for four days! I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it. They've also invited us for New Year's but there is no way I'll be able to tolerate them so soon after...plus that's not how I want to spend my New Year's!!

Bonus Ultrasound: 32 Weeks

Baby boy is head down but sunny side up (same as Dexter, which causes painful back labour) - hopefully I can get him to flip the other way. He measured about 4 lbs which she said is in the 50% percentile - perfectly average! What I found weird is she said he measured 33 weeks 6 days, by my count I was 32 weeks. She said something about me being in my 33 week? Who knows...anyway, we'll see if it impacts baby's arrival date or not.

Funny Story - FitzGerald

Having the last name "Johnson" always seemed lame to me as its very generic. As a high schooler I dreamed of marrying into a more interesting and regal last name, often giving the example of "FitzGerald". Well tonight I was googling various things trying to find potential boys names, when I came across an interesting fact. Apparently the "fitz" in FitzGerald denotes a child that is illegitimate in the royal family meaning born out of wedlock. So, all this time I've been holding this name in prestige when realistically the opposite is true. So funny!

Doc Appt Updates & Bonus Ultrasound

I found out at my last appointment that I would be getting another ultrasound a few weeks from that one, but my doctor was so rushed as usual that I didn't get a chance to recover from my surprise and ask why. Since I'm on 2 week appointments now I was able to ask today. Apparently it's fairly routine to check on the baby's weight at 32 weeks. I've never known it to be, but I'm not complaining as I love ultrasounds: another peek at my baby! So on November 29 @ 9:45am I will hopefully be getting a few more pics for the scrapbook :-)

On a negative note, I was sad to step on the scale today & be at my pre-pregnancy weight. I had managed to drop a few pounds in my first trimester but apparently they are all back now. I am at 30 weeks, so with 8-12 more weeks to go I imagine I will continue to put on a few more pounds...especially with it being the Christmas season and I with no plans to withstain from the goodies available. So far my jeans and everything still fit so hopefully that means it's all going to baby belly and not my ass and thighs :-P

I also asked what the doctor's overdue procedure was. She said if I was 8-10 days over (Feb 1 - 3), then we would talk about inducing. At this point I am not opposed to a February baby so I guess we'll see what happens. It's just interesting how the procedures vary, because in Red Deer I left my 40 week appointment (2 days early - Sept 18) with a scheduled induction for 10 days later.

I'm Getting a Doula!

After changing plans several times over several months, we finally met up with a potential doula last week. She is in training, so she is charging me a very reasonable sum of $150. Normally her package would include a prenatal appointment, the day of labour and a post partum visit. Since we live in Leduc (she's in Sherwood Park - 20 to 30 minutes away) and she's giving us a bit of a discount I am waiving the prenatal appointment. We can do everything over email and phone. I may end up waiving the post partum visit as well if everything is going well.

What will Abby's role be as my doula? She basically explained to us that she will be there for us in anyway we need. My goal is to balance laboring at home as long as possible to save my energy and be comfortable with getting to the hospital in time to get an epidural.

With Dexter, I went to the hospital way too soon - six hours before they would admit me for active labor (3-4 cm dialated). In retrospect I wasted a lot of energy trying to get my labor to progress when it was the middle of the night (midnight to 6am) and I should have been trying to sleep/rest as much as possible. When I was ready to go home and go to sleep for a while, that's when they admitted me and my long journey "began".

I am hoping that Abby will be able to provide support to Tyler & I with how to labour 'comfortably' at home and then direct us when best to head to the hospital. She has a variety of positions that we will practise before hand to use, said she would draw me a bath if I want and hopefully just keep me calm and focused.  

Once at the hospital, if all goes well and the epidural is effective the whole time, she will take pictures for us of the delivery (all PG for public viewing or less than PG if we so choose) and our experience which will be a great memento to have. I am also going to do the placenta encapsulation, so she will be one more person in the room who can keep an eye on it and make sure we get it 'to go' without any intervention on the medical staff's part (i.e. they usually throw them out &/or put them in chemicals). She said she can even deliver the placenta for me to the encapsulator if I would like.

If the epidureal isn't effective, or for some reason we can't get one, then I will rely on her to help us through.  All in all, I think the value is definitely there and Tyler seemed pretty excited about booking her too.

Funny Things Dexter is Doing

1. Tyler is often on the computer upstairs while Dexter and I are on the main floor. When I call him for supper, etc Dexter copies me, yelling "Ty-lur, Ty-luuur!" LOL Tyler says "that's daddy to you mister!"

2. Most nights Dexter wakes up & then crawls into bed with us on his own. About a month ago, he starting bringing in his Elmo with him. Then he started bringing in his Elmo AND a storybook. Now he does this every night. I giggle thinking about him waking up, looking for his stuff then walking over to our room with two items nearly half his size all in the dark. A few times these two things were already in our room, so he brought another book.

There were more but I can't remember them now.

Free Shopping!

I have been itching to make purchases as 'tis the shopping season, however I really need to stick to a tight budget as we are über broke. BUT I got a sweet fix in tonight by shopping the "rewards" on my airmiles site. I basically bought myself four Christmas presents LOL

My purchases were:
-a new Samsung point & shoot camera. I'm pretty unsatisfied with my current one. I had bought it to replace one I dropped in sand, and though I bought what I thought was an upgraded version of the original (Lumix) it never really took as good of pictures or seemed to have a good reaction time. This new Samsung isn't top of the line by any means, but it is 16mp and has the ion-lithium battery (vs the AAs ours takes) so should be an improvement.

-a gift card for a night out at the theatre for two. No brainer.

-iPhone speaker system w/ Cd player. I've been looking for a decent docking station for a little while and this one is the iLive which I believe means it's part of the apple line. Hopefully it does not disappoint.

-Kobo Touch eReader. My mom got one in August and is completely in love with it. Her's isn't the touch but she said she would have preferred it. I'm not sure if I'll use it a lot but I think it's one of those things you can live without until u get it and then it's super useful. A lot lighter to carry around then a book! Libraries are really building their virtual book reserve so there is a lot of free books available.

That's my haul! Pretty good I would say. A good $400+ worth of stuff for free. I tried to look for potential Christmas gifts as well but was distracted by all the items I wanted for me lol

Gymnastics

We signed up Dexter for parent & tot gymnastics from Sept 21 to Dec 7. Originally I was going to take him, but Tyler has been off work so it's turned into Daddy & Dexter time - which i love! Dexter responds to direction from Tyler more and really likes copying him. So far I have been able to have a few quiet mornings at home to sleep in or catch up on stuff. I've also gone to watch a couple times from the sidelines. Once I did the class with Tyler and once with Dexter on my own (which was horrible). It was horrible because I'm not in the best shape to begin with & being prego complicates it more. Also, Dexter was being super hyper: not listening to me, not taking direction and constantly running away from me across the gym (and I move oh so slowly).

My general parenting philosophy is "I'll love you even if you're below average" but I've been so impressed with Dexter's progress! He's not top of his class, but he went from zero skills to doing "star pose" "pencil" & "airplane" on command, being able to hang from the bars, etc. Considering he is the youngest in the group (it's 2-3 and he turned 2 the day before first class), he blends in perfectly. He definitely has some things to work on/through like he tends to watch things entirely before participating and he likes to watch the other kids a lot. And he still runs from Daddy sometimes. But so far it's been a very positive experience!

Theoretically...Baby

Theoretically, I am less nervous to have this baby than I was with Dexter. The first time you have absolutely no idea what to expect a you've never personally experienced it. However, the second time around you feel like a pro...though maybe that is some false confidence!

1) Theoretically, I feel like i know when baby will come. Dexter was born on his due date, which makes me (falsely) confident that this baby won't be born early nor late but "on time". Therefore I won't feel the need to get things done before week 38 plus I don't think I'll be worried about induction for 41+ weeks. BUT as recent evidence points out, the arrival date of baby is in no way influences by past births. Personal example, my friend Kyla's first baby was two weeks early and her recent second baby was a few days late.

2) Theoretically, labour is shorter with each subsequent birth. In reality, it's another guessing game. Again, my friend Kyla as a recent example: first baby came quite quickly, she was 9cm dialated when she arrived at the hospital. Second baby, took his time and most of the day I believe.

3) Theoretically, this birth should be equivalent to or smoother than my first. I should know how to deal with the contractions better and since I delivered vaginally with Dexter, a possible c-section hadn't entered my mind. In reality, each birth is unique and can have its own complications. I hope that my epidural will work the whole time and that I'll be calmer and more focused but who knows.

4) Dexter was a great nurser and I had no milk production issues so theoretically this time should be a breeze. In reality, baby could have latch issues, I could have production issues...past success doesn't equal a guarantee!

5) This is our second boy so there is no diaper changing learning curve and we've survived one circumcision. Shouldn't be any surprises there, right?

So yeah i was just thinking over how falsely confident I could be and it makes me a little nervous! Hopefully all goes smoothly.

Fender Bender

On Friday afternoon we were heading to Mary's for supper as her sister Sherry, pregnant neice Jennifer (who's due 17 days before me) and her son Jonathan were up visiting.  We take the Anthony Henday to Mary's, despite the construction, as it's still the most straight forward way to get there. I usually drive as Tyler is better at being patient and entertaining Dexter in the back seat.

As I was driving (60km/hr as I am super anal about doing the speed limit in construction zones) in the far right lane, a truck pulled into the intersection from my right going left on a red light. I tried to brake and veer right as soon as I realized what he was doing, but was unable to avoid hitting him. My front driver's side got some damage as it hit his driver's side back bumper.  Because his truck was higher than my van, my hood got scraped up pretty bad.

We both pulled over right away and exchanged information. Two ladies from seperate vehicles got out and gave us their names and numbers as witnesses. One of the ladies told us that she had honked her horn because she need more room and the truck just went (he must have thought she was honking cuz the light was green). The guy appeared to be in his 40s and was pretty quiet through the whole thing. Since we were right beside a construction site, two works came over and said they needed statements from us for Alberta Transportation. 

One weird thing is that everyone kept asking us if we were okay, and for some reason, it had never occurred to me that we wouldn't be? Weird.

The guy ended up reporting the accident to the Edmonton Police that Friday night and they gave me a call to tell me I needed to make a statement within 72 hours, at any location and they were open from 8am - 8pm. What I didn't realize at the time of that call, or all weekend, is that Edmonton Police Services is different from Leduc RCMP. So I went to the Leduc RCMP on Saturday & they were closed until Tuesday. I googled Edmonton RCMP and only got one location downtown. I was told I would need to bring in my van (which is still drivable), but since the headlights/signal lights are out of commission, I didn't want to drive all the way there. I called the Leduc RCMP complaint line who told me to wait until Tuesday (which worried me as I'd be over the 72 hours). When I got there on Tuesday, I found out that they are seperate from Leduc and that its listed as "Edmonton Police Services" so there are actually lots of locations, not just the one downtown. I was very frustrated with that as I could have taken care of that on Saturday if I had known and caused myself less worry and stress.

Another thing I didn't think about until later Friday night is that I am pregnant and the accident could affect the baby. I felt lots of baby movements and had no other negative symptoms (like cramping, bleeding, etc) so I didn't want to go to the ER on the Thanksgiving long weekend assuming it would be packed. I decided to call my delivering doctor today to see if I should make a special trip to come in, as my next appointment isn't for three weeks. Her receptionist made me feel like satan that I had waiting "a week" to call them...actuality is that while the accident happened on Friday, their office was closed until Tuesday so I was only a day late calling them. After the guilt trip, she informed me I should go see my GP. Luckily my GP had an opening within 30 minutes of calling him this afternoon, so I popped in their today. As suspected everything is good, doc even said baby seemed very happy (after listening to his heart rate).

So far, my dad has estimated that there is $3800 in damages, EPS estimated $4500 and I took the van in today to Leduc Autobody for it's official estimate. The guy there casually mentioned it would probably be a write off. This makes me sad as we just put in $1400 in new brakes in August, and installed a brand new car starter last fall. I'm also worried that the cheque they would give us for a write off wouldn't be enough to replace the van with a comparable one...and we don't have the extra cash right now. I searched on kijiji and their are a few 2003 Pontiac Montana's with similar mileage to ours (a 2001), and their is one in particular that seems to have all the same bells and whistles: a/c, rear climate contract, car starter, seats 7...so hopefully it'll all work out.  Everything happens for a reason and our van does have a couple issues. For instance, the fuel meter stopped working properly, so I've started charting my mileage to figure out when I need to fill up.

The positive news, is that the accident is not my fault, so we won't have any deductible and our rates shouldn't change. We also need to go buy a carseat of which we will be reimbursed at 95% (not 100% do to depreciation if you can believe it). In order to be reimbursed we have to show proof of the original carseat being "destroyed" - the straps being cut.

I think that about sums it up. Stay posted for how it all turns out!

Baby Names

We've been having a bit of a tough time finding a name we LOVE for this baby. I really think it would be easier if he was a girl, as there are more names we like that are girl names. However, we are blessed to be getting another baby boy (which I am more & more okay with). I've decided that all my "rules" don't matter. I no longer care if the name starts with a t, c, or k or ends with an n. I just want to find one I love!

Typical wanting what you can't have behavior, I've been liking the names Carter & Quinn, names of little boys in our social that I wouldnt use for that reason. Oh well, I'm sure it's only because of that that they are appealing to me so much.

I've also decided that I dont care how popular the name is - something that use to really bother me. Now the most important thing is finding a name that feels & sounds good for this baby :-)

Secret Sister

My Mommy Group is doing a Secret Sister event for the next five months (we started last month). Eleven of us moms signed up to gift each other once a month for 6 months, secretly. It's such a super fun idea. I love coming up with ideas to give & receiving is of course super fun.

For September, I gifted her a copy of "Confessions of a Shopaholic" which is one of my favorite series (to save money I bought the book second hand), 1/2 a dozen Partylite votives, and a handful of werthers. We have a discussion board were we can thank our Secret Sisters, which she hasn't done, so I don't know if that means she's busy (she had three boys) or if she didn't like it, or for some reason didn't get it? I had to have Tyler leave it on her doorstep.

For October, I've found this recipe:

Which I'll be copying to the best of my ability. I also plan to add a few halloween shaped cookie cutters in a cute bag (though this isn't a sugar cookie recipe).

Anyone have any ideas to share with me for future months?

Strawberry Cake in a Jar

This is such a fun & beautiful & crafty idea!  I found it at

http://blogs.babble.com/family-kitchen/2011/04/08/pinkalicious-cake-in-a-jar/ ,

though it's versatile enough that you could custom it to the occasion. Just had to share! Plus now I have it permalinked, so I can find it when I'm ready to do the project LOL



Baby Movements

I've been able to feel baby moving around for about a month now - internally. But just recently have I begun feeling it on the outside. My ultrasound revealed that I have an anterior placenta, which means it's attached on the front of my uterus, which makes feeling baby externally more challenging until later in the pregnancy then a back attached one.

However, Tyler finally felt baby move! It was about 1am, the morning of September 30th. We were just in bed getting ready to go to sleep. I think he felt about three distinct movements so that was fun. Tyler had felt Dexter around 25 weeks and I am 23 weeks now so he did feel baby a little sooner this time.

Round ligament pain - it was not

I had described my symptoms, perhaps inadequately, to my GP and he had said it sounded like Round Ligament Pain. After doing some googling, that didnt sound quite right but I found Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction which sounds more on the money. Well after consulting with a new chiropractor and massage therapist, it sounds as though it's very simply just my pelvis bone being out of whack. With some simple hip adjustments my pain has subsided about 90%. The catch is that I will need to keep going back to get re-adjusted as my pelvis goes back out of whack. But I can be preventative by sleeping with a pillow between my legs, standing/rolling with my knees together and doing some muscle release work. Glad it's a fairly simple issue that may "go away" before delivering baby!

Other Pregnancy Updates

This past week I have noticed an increase in, for lack of a better word, crotch pain. If I change positions, or go to stand up from kneeling, I get a sharp pain in what feels like the muscular area down there. I talked to Kyla about it and she thought it might be a ligament related to my pelvis being out of whack. I went to the chiropractor but the pain relief was short lived (hurt by the time I got home).

I had my last prenatal appointment with my GP and he named it the "round ligament pain" (so I can google it), but he didn't offer any solutions other than giving birth LOL I've started sleeping with my nursing pillow which has helped a little but now I'm also noticing some lower back pain. I have a massage booked for tomorrow which I am really looking forward to, but am looking for more preventative and long term solutions.  Some suggested swimming and I think some stretches would help.

I have also noticed an increase in nausea. Yesterday I ate a bunch of crackers/sausage/cheese, took my first prenatal vitamin in months and then ended up throwing it all up within ten minutes. Not fun! Now I'm not sure about taking another prenatal vitamin as I don't want to throw up. The nausea feeling has stuck with me...in fact right now I feel as though I am on the edge of heaving. Crazy as I am at 19 weeks. However, the nausea comes and goes in bouts and doesn't always result in puking so I don't think going on any medication would be worth the risk. It's just discomforting.

On Wednesday, I get to meet my birthing doctor, Dr. McCubbin! I'm pretty excited as I've heard she's a great doctor and attends all her births. I hope I like her as much as I liked Dr.Phillpot, my Red Deer doctor. I think Tyler will come with me as well so he can meet her and they can be introduced before the birth (he's still off of work, but maybe he'll have a job at my next appointment so best to get it done).

Doulas & Placenta Encapsulation

Doulas

The cost of doulas really vary, from free to $100/hr! So I wasn't sure if it was something I wanted to spend our money on, especially as I plan to get another epidural and I'm really hoping it works to it's fullest potential this time.  However, after reading Kyla's birth story with her midwives, it kind of re-affirmed to me my reasons for wanting one in the first place: to keep me calm, focused & positive. I looked on kijiji.ca and there are a couple ladies posted there who are "in training" and thus have lower rates. I'm going to start by talking to them and go from there. The one was listed at $100 (I'm assuming flat rate) and the other was $200 I think? Anyway, stay tuned for developments on that.

Placenta Encapsulation

Okay, I know it sounds disgusting and kooky. That's what I thought when I first heard about it. But some of the benefits of sound really appealing and there is really no downside (other than cost).

What is it? The placenta is taken from the hospital via you or hubby and given to a placenta enscapsulator person. In the Chinese medicine method, they drain the blood, steam it (to sanitize it essentially), dry it out, ground it, and then put it in capsules to take as a pill. You take these pills several times a day for a few weeks. There should be lots of pills, so after you can freeze them and take them later (3 months, 6 months, 9 months post partum) if you are affected by hormone changes. Shelf life is suggested at 3-5 years in freezer. Some woman keep them for menopause.

What are the "alleged" benefits? The vitamins & minerals especially iron plus protein contained in the placenta help fight depression symptoms, aid in post partum healing, increase general energy, increase breast milk production, and aid in sleeping.

What are the risks? That it will do nothing and you've wasted your money. That it won't be prepared properly so it could be contaminated. Baby (breastfed) could have an adverse reaction due to the hormones, though they appear temporary. Oh, the 'ick' factor. Also, if you get a fever you're suppose to stop taking them during the fever.

For me... I suffer from depression symptoms such as irritability, mood swings, sudden sadness - this without a newborn baby. I take Celexa, an antidepressant currently but a few months back I had it filled at Walmart vs Safeway where I usually get it. I got a different brand and really noticed that it effected my energy in a negative way (made me want to sleep all day). So I stopped taking it.  Bad choice! My brother has nicknamed me Mood-Swing McGee, I wasn't handling Dexter's bad behavior moments well, snapping at Tyler, etc.  So a few days ago I switched my prescription back to Safeway and started taking it again. The second day I already felt better in control of my emotions. 

Thus, I think the placenta encapsulation would be a good idea for me.  I googled it in Edmonton & found a few names. One lady had her price on the website: she charges $150 plus possibly delivery charges outside of Edmonton so I'll use that as a bench mark.  What are your thoughts?

Our Ultrasound

Had our main ultrasound for baby nelson the sequel today. I was really looking forward to it to see baby as well as hopefully find out gender. I also invited our moms to the ultrasound when I found out my mom would be in town for her own doctor's appointment that day (and Mary lives here already).

Our appointment was in Edmonton at the Tawa Center which is right near the Grey Nuns hospital (where I'll be delivering). I was a little flustered before the appointment because Tyler had taken my mom to her's that morning and they were both still there. So I had to get myself and Dexter to the appointment and he was being somewhat uncooperative. Also, I wasn't 100% sure where the building was as it wasn't labelled well (turns out we were in the correct parking lot three times).  So I just made it to the appointment on time, but arrived flustered.

I went in by myself first, and the tech asked me right away if I wanted to know gender and if I wanted her to tell me as soon as she saw or when my whole posse was there (my words). Within two minutes she said "I know what it is, do you want to know now?" I opted to know right away, but asked her to tell the posse for me. She said "it's a boy" to wish I kind of paused and said "exciting"...as I had a feeling it was a girl, which was obviously wrong LOL  She got the shots she needed quite easily which took about 1/2 hour and also asked me if I'd want a picture (are there people who say no?), I said yes as I'm a scrapbooker. Turns out she is too, so she tried to get me a good profile pic (it looks better than Dexter's but I still feel like I could have gotten a few more good shots).

She then went out to get Tyler, Dexter, my mom & Mary. The group piled in beside my bed and she turned the screen to face us all. She showed baby, baby moved quite a bit and she said baby was active [oh heartrate was 166]. Then she pulled up a bum shot - I recognized it right away, she used her mouse to say, here is one leg, here is another, oh & here is the third leg which means "You're having a boy!" It was a great way to share the news :-) That was about it.  I got dressed and she gave me the disc which had these three pictures above. 

Now that we know that it's a boy, we'll start brainstorming for baby names.  Should be interesting!  The good news about having another boy is that I need minimal new stuff so the budget stays intact, and we've had a boy so it won't seem as foreign to us when he is born. On the negative side, the need to buy him tutu's is less...girl names are much more fun to choose from...and I now have to decide where we want to circumsize him at (a question for my new doctor I'm sure).

I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday to go over the ultrasound and make sure everything is in order. Then next week, September 7th, I'll be meeting my delivering doctor who will do my prenatal appointments for the rest of the pregnancy. She's in Edmonton.

Living Room Wall

The light blue was my first attempt to choose a color for an accent wall in our living room.  It was much too light & area for the living room for me.  My second attempt this weekend, is this Midnight Hour, a grey tinged brown that I like for it's warmth & depth. I think it looks good :-)

Some Things Never Change

Today is my "main" ultrasound and I am super excited but also really apprehensive.  I really, really, really want to find out gender today but because of my experience with Dexter's main ultrasound (where we didn't find out gender because the tech was 'too busy') I'm nervous that we won't be able to find out.  I've confirmed that the imagining center tells gender (as Wetaskiwin & Devon don't) but I'm still worried that it'll be unclear or baby won't co-operate.  One of the negatives of being an plus sized pregger is that I have more tissue to go through for the ultrasound and the images typically don't seem as clear.

Anyway, regarding my title 'Some Things Never Change'...I had a mom I casually know in the area come over this morning to drop off some tickets I am buying for a comedy show. I mentioned that I am super excited for the u/s today & she felt the need to tell me how with her second born they found on gender and it was less exciting. Well she went on to say that not only did they find out gender, but they also picked a name, announced it beforehand and she was induced so she had a pretty good idea when baby was coming.  Those three items combined would definitely make it less exciting. I'm a firm advocate for keeping something a secret. So if you find out gender, keep your name(s) to yourself. If you don't know gender than go crazy with names.  Simple solution.

But yeah, pretty funny that I'm still hearing the same old commentary on my decisions even though I'm more of a veteran now on the baby decision front.

Brother Evicted

As of last Monday, my brother got a new job in North Edmonton & also his own apartment in North Edmonton. Since his job location changed, it was a no brained for his to move as it will save him gas money. I haven't seem his new place yet, but I'm excited for him to have this growth opportunity. I'm hoping it will help him mature & be more independent.

Feel like making "money"

Tyler has been off work for a few weeks and I'm feeling the money crunch. We had a healthy amount of savings (in my opinion) but we've had/are having some big expenses eat it up. We had property taxes ($2400 - relatively cheap), repairs to our newly inherited truck ($1400), changed insurance companies so a deposit ($500), we building a cement pad in lieu of our rotted deck (probably about $1500-$2000 when done), and we purchased an air filter si months ago that starts payments next month. The interest is ridiculous so I want to pay it off before it becomes due ($2400 I think). So yeah, life is pricey. Our mortgage is relatively low at $1200/month but it & all our expenses add up fast. There are a few things I'd like, for instance a hypnobirthing class ($325), a doula (packages up to $800), and some other "non-essentials like a kitchen island, an extra bathroom, etc.

So, as usual I have champagne taste on a water budget lol. I don't know what kind of work I would want, or who would hire me for a short term (say September to December). If Tylers still not working he could easily watch dexter, but if he got a job it would mean we'd have to find & pay for childcare. I'm sure there are some alternative options I haven't thought of...

When I was pregnant with dexter I felt the need to earn money too, and started temping but that was simpler as I didn't have dexter yet!

Ultrasound Countdown

The countdown is on: less than two weeks until my 19 week ultrasoun where we will *hopefully* find out gender! I wasn't allowing myself to get excited before, as it seemed far away (and I don't want to wish away my summer), but now it seems just around the corner. It's on Tuesday, August 30. This time around, I've invited my mom & Mary to it as well (I called the clinic to make sure it was ok first). My mom will be in town already for a doctor appointment for herself for her tennis elbow. The bad news is she is having a painful procedure done on it beforehand, so she may be in pain or severely drugged up. However, she hasn't seen an ultrasound since my sister Calli, now 21, so it should still be a cool experience. Mary was at Kira's, but it was less than magically as there was some big drama between Tyrone & Kim's mom. I'm excited to share this moment with them as last time around I was by myself (Tyler was away at work), and the tech was snarky, and I didn't get to find out gender due to not asking at the "right time". I feel more prepared this time & of course aware that baby could be uncooperative or unclear too.

Anyway, this pregnancy still doesn't feel very real. I'm confident that feeling baby move will make a huge difference as I felt something on Saturday & it gave me that warm fuzzy feeling. Finding out if it's a boy or girl will help me connect on a logical level & give us some direction so we can start the baby name hunt.

Nice, Orderly vs Children

Before we had Dexter, I like to think that our house was fairly clean. I've always had clutter issues & I wouldn't have won any clean freak awards, but if company was coming over we could usually be okay with a quick dishes job and vacumming job.

Now, with Dexter as a toddler, it feels as though our house is never really clean. For starters, there is the constant battle of the toys.  I think I need to add "toy clean up" to my to do list because he just has so many toys and he could use a rotation right now.

Secondly, he can be SO messy with his snacks.  One of the common things he eats is Vegetable Thins (crackers), and though he is good most of the time, he frequently decides that he should dump his crackers all of the floor, leaving a nice cracker dust on the floor after we pick them up.  We have laminate so really I just have to sweep often, but it disgusts me how much is swept up each time. 

On top of the not-so-clean, is the lack of nice stuff or areas that I can display my nice stuff. I like things to look nice & kids toys are not aesthetically pleasing to me. I'd love to have an isolated playroom but we don't have the space for that.  Dexter is also the type of kid that is into everything and has to be told no a million times so I've elimatinated a lot of my nice display stuff &/or put it where he currently can't reach. 

Anyway, I love having Dexter (& baby #2 on the way) but I SO miss having nice things and a nice house :-(

Projects

Sometime, before baby comes, I'd like to complete two projects: getting Dexter to sleep in a bed & getting him potty trained. The "easier" project, or at least the one that is less of a committment throughout the day is the bed one. So we plan on buying a bed sooner than later for Dexter. Maybe as soon as this week. Our crib converts to a double bed, but we will use this crib for baby #2, so I think it makes sense to get a twin bed. We considered a toddler bed but it won't last too long. So better to invest in the long haul, then when baby #2 is old enough for a bed Dexter can move up to a double & Baby can use the twin.

I had a twin bed until I was like 16 and then I got a double which I thought was HUGE lol

Evicting My Brother

My brother came to stay with us for a weekend in January and just never left. He's been working so that isn't an issue, but there are a few others for me. 

1. I'm Anal about Certain Things - over the years, and compounded by my bitchiness from being pregnant, I like things a certain way. When it's just Tyler & I in the house (for adults) it's pretty easy to keep things in order and to my specifications. There are hundreds of little things...I'll try to think of some of them.

-I like my margarine/peanut butter/jam etc clean. Like there shouldn't be any jam in the peanut butter, no toast crumbs or garlic in the margarine.

-I like to have my own toothpaste that no one else uses. Tyler & I each have our own tube (different brands), and sometimes Cody uses mine. I think it's gross.

-He used to use our bath towels all the time. I am referring to the ones we used & then hung up for our next use.  I don't understand it. We actually built a hallway closet specifically so that Cody could find and use his own fresh towels.

-We're in the habit of cleaning our dishes off and putting them either in the dishwasher or on the counter ready for the dishwasher.  He often will leave food (such as salsa) in the bowl & add water then leave them in the sink. Not really that helpful.

-We only have ONE bathroom, so sometimes he is in there when I need to be (especially with pregnancy bladder).

-He often leaves dishes in his room for a disturbing amount of time. I'm not cool with that. One day at the most is my limit.

-I have a "junk food drawer" and he raids it. Which stresses me and makes me want to wolf down my food so that I get it, instead of just savoring it and eating it when I truly want.

-He drinks a ridiculous amount of milk, way more than we drink, which makes it hard for me to keep milk in the fridge.  It's really annoying when you want to have cereal in the morning and there is no milk left. 

2. I'll Give You a Hand Up but not a Hand Out - My brother is 23 years old and has a steady job. Logically, there is no reason he can't have his own living space. I didn't charge him any rent for a few months, but as of May I started charging him $200/month just to get him in the habit of paying something. Realistically that isn't much considering he doesn't buy groceries (though he doesn't eat at home that much either). If Cody was using this time to save his money and get ahead I'd be more willing to let him stay longer.  However, I have seen many examples of frivilious spending over the months.  My mom "manages" his money, but really she's just a glorified ATM. She makes sure his bills are paid and allots his money out over the weeks. There is no savings and no real accountability for where his money actually goes. Examples of Spending:

-He doesn't buy groceries. So on a daily basis he is either not eating, or spending money at convenience stores and restaurants.

-He's a smoker, of cigarettes &  pot.  I got him to figure it out and he figures he spends close to $500/month.

-His girlfriend lives in the north end of Edmonton. Often, (I'm not sure exactly why as she has her own vehicle), he will go pick her up, bring her to my house, and then take her back home.  This is four trips in one day at 45 minutes a piece! To me that is a waste of fuel. She could either drive her own vehicle here, or he can hang at her place.  When I've asked him why he has said 1) she doesn't like to drive in bad weather & 2) she can't afford it. News flash: he can't afford it either.

-He likes to act like a "big man" by buying her dinner, clothes, and extravagent gifts. He was talking about buying her an iPad2 for her birthday. I don't think so! They haven't even been dating a full year yet.  Plus, it's just plain old not in his budget.

-Over the last few months, I have noticed him spending money on his car. He got some sort of fuel injection system that was $600 (not a necessity), he bought a bunch of paint and was painting his interior, and exterior.  Things that again are not necessities, when you should be saving up to move out.

-Child support. He currently pays somewhere in the ball park of $700/month on child support from his two different kids from two different moms. Sad, especially when you take into account how many times his current girlfriend has had a "pregnancy scare" since they've been dating. He obviously hasn't learned his lesson.

-He frequently comes home with new shoes, clothes, hats, etc.

-He doesn't know how to say no when he can't afford something. Ex, he drove to Medicine Hat two weeks ago, for the day, to buy some tools off my uncle.  Cody didn't have the money for the fuel to go there OR for the tools he bought. He borrowed it from his girlfriend to get there and back ($160), then borrowed from me to put fuel in his car for the week ($70). I then found out he "owed" money to a friend for that week too. So by the time he got paid on the Friday, a good chunk of his paycheque was spent. He then slept in for work the next day, so work sent another guy in his place & he didn't get to work. His solution? Told them he wasn't going to work Saturdays for them anymore cuz he needed to go do "sidejobs". (One of which he has had on his agenda for a month & I'm pretty sure hasn't done yet). This week was the last straw for me and when I started planning his eviction.

-I also found out he has 3 photo radar tickets at my parents house that he has to pay for, another fantastic waste of money and show of disrespect for adult life.

DISCLAIMER: I, in no way, am saying I am perfect spender. But I feel like he can learn from the error of my ways...and I am not a mooch.

3. I believe in Independance - I feel like at this point, my brother needs to sink or swim on his own. The sad thing is that my mom will never let him sink, so he won't know what pride there is on doing things on your own and being successful. My dad has also pointed out that if my parents were to die suddenly, my brother would be hooped. He wouldn't know how to survive in real life with no safety net.

-I have also always had the drive to be independent and on my "own" (figuratively speaking now that I am married). I couldn't wait to move out of my parents and have my own bills and food and space. Thus, I can't relate to people who don't have the same drive (and honestly, I know too many that don't).

4. Our Own Space - There are little things that I miss about having our house to ourselves. This place is smaller than our Red Deer house, so with Cody here, we don't have any space for guests (or a bed as he's using our guest bed). We have some things we want to do in the basement (concrete work, constructing a bathroom), and it's pretty challenging when he's using 1/3 - 1/2 the space.

Don't get me wrong, things were mostly fine with Cody living here or we wouldn't have put up with it for so long. He honestly isn't here that much between work & his girlfriend, and when he is, he tends to be helpful with Dexter. But he has never offered to do the garbage, mow the lawn, sweep a floor...anything like that. He has cleaned the kitchen, at the most, 5 times since January. And I think I'm being generous with the five (and it was probably his girlfriend mostly as she was here at the time). So yeah, it's time for me to cut the strings. I wasn't sure how to go about it, but at dinner last night it sort of came up "as a joke" and I wrote up an eviction letter for him on a napkin effective October 1 at the latest. So we'll see how that goes!

In-continence

From Dictionary.com "In-continence: unable to restrain natural discharges or evacuations of urine."

Kim used to tell me about how after baby, when you sneeze or cough, sometimes you pee yourself a little bit.  I thought she was exaggerating, or just being an overshare-r...now I know what she is talking about.  It's embarassing to admit, but for some reason, especially since becoming pregnant again, a sneeze or cough can cause me to pee a little bit.  Sometimes I didn't even know I had to go until that happens. It sucks & is very frustrating.  Has anyone else had this problem?  Are there remedies? Like should I start doing kegel exercises?

Boy or Girl

So originally, I was really hoping to have a baby girl this time. It gets somewhat ingrained in you that if you want two kids, the perfect scenario is to have one of each. I subscribed to this and was thinking that generally speaking in order to have that close relationship during a wedding or pregnancy with my child, it would need to be a girl.  I recently came to the realization that even if I have a girl, she may never get married or have kids. We may not be close.  Gender just doesn't guarantee me these experiences.  And if I have boys I'm not guaranteed NOT to have these experiences.  It was with this realization, that I officially became okay with having a boy or a girl. Really it doesn't matter. There are all sorts of positives with having a baby of either gender (and honestly challenges too).  I'm just excited to have a baby, and super nervous too.

Savoring

Most likely, this will be my last pregnancy.  It was a question for us whether we even wanted to try for two kids.  You could say I came around to the idea sooner than Tyler because apparently, he still isn't sure. My "great preg test reveal" did not elict the reaction I was hoping for...he was more resigned to the fact that it had happened than excited like me.  I was definitely "trying" and he was all about the "if it happens it happens".  Technically, the date of conception was outside of my predicted ovulating time so I guess it really did "happen". I have a lot of concern about Tyler's lack of excitement as I don't want a baby born unwanted.  Tyler claims that he never got excited about Dexter until he was born, but I do think he made a little bit more effort to at least 'fake' it then if this is true. Anyway, the only way I could see me getting pregnant again (by choice), would be if for some reason we had twins this time around.  I wouldn't want to have 3 kids (as I am not a fan of the 3 kid dynamic), so I'd have to round it out with a fourth LOL

I know I am only 8 weeks right now, but so far this pregnancy doesn't seem very real. Maybe it's because I have Dexter to keep me busy, or Tyler's lack of excitement.  Anyway, I am determined to savor every last moment & experience of this pregnancy: no wishing it away! This includes (and I may regret saying it later) my due date.  With Dexter I wanted him born early or on time because I didn't want him to share a birthday with anyone else.  Baby #2 is due on January 24th & while I do have a few family birthdays in that month, I'm not as concerned about it (it's not as intense as September).  I also wanted Dexter to be a Virgo not a Libra like me.  I like both January & February's birthstones so I have no preference there nor with the astrological signs LOL

Along with savoring, I want to spend as much energy on this pregnancy as I did with Dexter's. I want to photo my belly progres, blog, ultrasound it up, etc. One thing I didn't do, and have already started doing is joining a "birth club" on babycentre.ca  It has forum boards with postings and lots of other mommies who have their due date in the same month as you.  Way fun!  Just today, one girl messaged me & said she lived in Leduc too. Cool!

Triple Test Screen:

With Dexter we opted to do the "triple test screen". The test takes place sometime between 9 & 13 weeks (plus 5 days or something - with Dexter we were there on our very last possible day). It involves a blood test via your arm, and an ultrasound of baby to analysis the cell pocket on their neck - or something like that.  With that information, they come up with a statistical probability that you are carrying a baby with a chromozonal deformity (most common is Downs, but there is also #23 or something).  The test doesn't say yes or no, but indicates whether you should go for the amino test which is very invasive.  A person would need a pretty strong indication to do that test.

For me, I am an information junkie, so I would like to know as much as possible to be as prepared as possible.  I have read for some DNA deformities, it is necessary to terminate the pregnancy, so I would want to know that as early as possible.

BUT, I will also admit, that I selfishly want a look at my baby. With Dexter, this ultrasound was the best picture we got of him.  That may not mean much to you if you got decent pictures at your normal ultrasound, but believe me, it was important to me to have SOMETHING. This ultrasound will also confirm heartbeat and probably give me an indication if my dates or accurate or not.  I am scheduled for this test on July 19th in Edmonton.

Leduc Doctors:

So...apparently the Leduc Hospital does not deliver babies and hasn't for quite some time. If I had known that, it may have impacted my decision to move here as a hospital was really important on my criteria. Anyway, my lovely GP doc has given me a referral to a female doctor in Edmonton, who I will begin seeing as of September 7th. In the meantime I will continue seeing my regular doc who is a fairly easy going guy and pleasant to see. I am assuming he will give me my regular ultrasound referral as that happens typically between 18-20 weeks, for me being Aug 23-Sept 6 or so...

Reasons I Think I'm Having a...

I know that techinically, baby hasn't even formed genitalia yet, but I think I am prego with a girl.  My reasons are silly & not logical, though funny. Here they are :-)

1. When I was pregnant with Dexter, I was a much better parker (driving) than my norm.  Right now my skills have lessened.

2. Again, when I was pregnant with Dexter, my fear of spiders and other bugs had lessened.  Now I would say they are heightened.

3. I've heard a wives' tale that "girls still your looks" and I definitely feel less pretty.

4. I'm hoping for a girl this time around, so of course I am going to find reasons to think this the case.  That being said, I would still be very happy to have a healthy, happy baby boy.

Dexter's Birthday

We are blessed to have many friends & family in our life...the blessing becomes a challenge however, when it comes to Dexter's birthday! I'd love to have everyONE at his birthday but that would create havic and wouldn't be any fun.

Last year I invited what I figured was the bare basics, and we had a huge house full.  So, what I'm pondering, is if it would be ridiculous to have two parties? What I was thinking is having one get together for people with kids, and then one get together for family like the grandparents, adult family friends, etc.  The positives are that I would get to enjoy the company at each party, Dexter would enjoy his party and not be overwhelmed, and I think the like groups would enjoy each other's company.

The negative, is that I would appear greedy or crazy or some other negative descriptors because I want to have two parties. Thoughts?

Myths & Realities

Myth: That since I miscarried once, I am more likely to miscarry again and that everyone should act really cautious and nervous about being excited that I am pregnant again.

Reality: While I am a little bit nervous (because I know what it feels like to miscarry), I am trying to be positive about my chances.  Having just one miscarriage doesn't make you more likely to have them again, in fact most doctors don't have a lot of concern until you've had 3, 4 or more. Statistically, about 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. I feel I've done my part by having one already & I don't need to have any more.

Myth: It took me a year to conceive Dexter.

Reality: After going off the pill at the end of October 2007, I had a postive pregnancy test on Dec 14, 2007. Within 10 days I knew I was miscarrying, though it took about 6 weeks before I stopped getting positive reads on preg tests. At that point, Tyler labelled me a bit "crazy" so I decided to let things happen on their own if they were going to and focus on other things such as my home businesses. Tyler was working away in Fort Saskatchewan, sometimes as much as 2-3 weeks at a time...and we didn't always "connect" when he got home.  Around October or November I decided to embrace my inner Type A personality and plan away.  I got on www.fertilitygal.com and started charting my cycle and then seducing Tyler whenever it said I had fertile days. Judging from my dates, Dexter was conceived on December 26th.  So, with this information, you can decide Dexter took 10 months or 2 months depending on your terms of measurement.

This time around, I went off my pill at the end of March.  I had a bit of a weird cycle:

-March 29-31, a very short period.

-April 19-24, an early period.

-May 16th...assumed intended period based on normal 4 week cycle from last period.

-May 17th - first positive preg test.

So as of right now, I'm going with April 19 being my first day of my last period, but I guess I could get a surprise, though if I use our possible conception times, it makes the most sense.

Anyway, the reason I wrote this blog, is that some of the reactions I've been getting as I share my news, is like "oh i'm surprised it was this quick when it took so long with Dexter", and "are you worried you're going to miscarry" which kind of annoyed me.  I guess, its not that they aren't legitimate, (and don't be offended if you asked them), but they make me feel like I am less of a woman in some of these people's eyes. That I'm not up to par...thoughts?

First Trimester Fatigue

Ugh, while I am super pumped to be prego, I am feeling really tired.  Tired when I get up, and never really feeling energized throughout the day.  Any tips out there for me?

Exercise for Overweight Preggos?

So I want to sign up for this "BMS Stroller Bootcamp". While I am SOOOOO not one to gravitate to anything with "Bootcamp" in the name, I'm attracted to this one for a few reasons:
-BMS stands for body, mind, soul a lovely sounding combo,
-the stroller part means I can incorporate dexter into my workouts,
-the trainer comes highly recommended by other Mommies in our group,
- there are 3 other moms from my group joining so it wil be more fun & less nerve racking,
-there FAQs state that modification is available for whatever level you are starting at.

My concern, other than for embarrassment & lack of breath, comes in that I am early days pregnant & happily so. The course starts June 20 so I'll be 10 weeks by then, so I feel like it is only in our BEST interest to do it, But I guess I am looking for some reassurance.

P.S. If you are reading this & I haven't yet told you I am pregnant, it's because I haven't really told anyone yet. It's still very much NOT public news, but I don't know if many read my blog anymore any way. So if you are reading this news for the first time, please do not tell anyone else or announce our fun news. (but feel free to private message me or leave a comment here).

Hmmm...

Kyla wrote a lovely blog about how anger is a choice and how her life is going to be anger free from now on.  I love that idea...and yet I'm seem to be sinking into grumpiness anyway.  What am I doing wrong? How can I work on my choices to get to a more positive, happy place?

P.S. I'm feeling really insecure about my friendship with my new bestie in Leduc here.  She seems to be cancelling more, phoning less, and the last few times we've hung out (one on one or in a group) she seems really distant.  I probably shouldn't be so egotistical to think that it has anything to do with me; after all she has a full life being prego with baby #2 and a sister coming to visit and struggling with her budget. But still...I feel like it's situational to me...

Patience

I don't have the level of patience I wish I had, and sometimes I can get grumpy/anger far too quickly.  I got a great tip on Friday & I'm excited to share it with you all.

Each night before bed, practise deep breathing (make your stomach move up and down with each in and out. While doing this, press your thumb and forefinger together. Do as many breaths as you want (6-30).  The deep breathing helps bring oxygen into your brain fully (while most of us, me included usually take shallow chest breaths). The thumb/forefinger trick helps to build a trigger (a la Pavalov's Dogs if you know that study), so that when you are in a situation where your patience is wearing thin all you need to do it press your thumb and forefinger together and it will trigger you to subconsciously start taking deeper breaths thus helping to keep you more calm & relaxed! 

I'll be working on this all week and I'm quite confident in the theory behind it.

Update: my niece Angel

My brother Cody, isn't very good about learning lessons. He had a baby, my nephew Chaise, in 2008 with a woman that he no longer has much contact with. It has been a very difficult journey with her and as of right now, we don't have any contact with Chaise :-(

You would think that most people would learn from this, and either abstain from sexual relations or at the very least protect themselves well so that when they next chose to bring a baby into this world, it would be in the best of circumstances. Not my bro...I found out in September of 2010 that my brother was likely having another baby with another girl that he no longer has contact with...paternity tests has since confirmed that yes, my brother now has two children that he has to pay child support for and has no relationship with either of them.  That statement alone could lead into an entire blog, but I don't feel like dissecting his lack of parenting interest beyond siring children.

What this blog is actually about, is that up until a few weeks ago, baby #2, a girl named Angel was pretty much unknown to me. I knew that her mom's name was Dodi, but I didn't have a last name or any contact info. I am pretty sure she was born sometime in September, making her about 7 months old now. It's been a challenging topic in my family (apparently we are all pretending she doesn't exist?) so I haven't really ventured into finding out more. Luckily for me, Angel's maternal grandma is pretty assertive, and she tracked me down on facebook to ask if me or anyone in my family was interested in building a relationship with her. I said that yes I was interested, but that I was a little leery due to being burned before (by Chaise's mom). Long story short, I am now facebook friends with Vicky (the grandma) as well as Dodi (the mom) and have made arrangements to meet Angel & Dodi in one week, next Saturday.  Dodi lives in Peace River and I'll be going there next weekend.

*Side note: I am going to Grimshaw/Peace River next weekend because my friend Allison's niece has lymphoma and they are holding a fundraiser for her there. Here niece is only 6 years old :-(  She was diagnosis at the beginning of March and is at the Stollery in Edmonton. Last update I got, things weren't looking too good, as she had no white blood cells.

Alright, so my question for y'all, is that if you were in my situation, what questions would you try to get answered before next Saturday? How would you try to get to know your niece baby momma before then so that it wasn't too awkward?

Here's a picture I took from Dodi's facebook

Leduc Mommy Mingle

I don't know if I've specifically blogged about my Mommy Group, but it's called Leduc Mommy Mingle and I found it on a website called http://www.meetup.com/.  I went to my first "meet up"/playdate in September of last year and it's been a great way to meet other people and stay busy. I've been even busier lately because I signed up to be a co-organizer of the group along with 2 other moms: Shannon & Joanna. We've been the official organizers for about a month now and it's been going really well.

There are perks to being hosted online, all the events get posted on a calendar, they can be set up with attendee limits and people just sign up when they want to go. On average I go to 2-3 playdates a week, when we've been sick it was down to zero, but on crazy weeks we have like five!

As an organizer, our duties include managing & collecting the membership fees ($10/year/member), posting event requests as they come in as well as creating our own, coming up with new ideas, paying the annual fees to the website, moderating discussions, managing sponsers, and other miscellanous admin duties. The three of us will meet monthly to go over our short term & long term goals. For April, we wanted to get everyone up to date on their fees (there was 32/56 people unpaid or late), get people interested in hostsing their own play dates (so that it wasn't the same old same old), and were hoping to plan a Spring Fling for early May. The Spring Fling was a little over ambitious so we'll have to re-evaluate a date for that.

Anyway, I love doing it, as I am not "personally invested" in it in terms of money so I don't have to feel a ton of pressure to make it profitable, instead I just get to bring my creative ideas and make friends. Also, since I am a co-organizer (Joanna is the "head orgainzer"), our workload is spread out and I am hoping to avoid getting burnt out.  It's keeping me busy, utilizing my creativity & business skills without being too much of a committment.

Maybe Baby?

It is now April, about 6 months from my post where I said I thought I'd be ready to start trying for baby #2 in "about 6 months". Guess what? I was right, I believe I am as ready as you can be. Dexter is at a really great age right now where he is a bit self-sufficient and plays independently. Despite some health issues, he is doing really well behavior wise and I am pretty happy with where we are at, Parenting-wise. Tyler, on the other hand, is still taking some convincing. LOL

Around November/December I was having some breast pains and my GP decided that I should try a different birth control pill. The change in pill seemed to effect me hormonally (more mood swings, very sensitive, cried easily), so after a few months, I switched to another brand. I still seemed to be suffering from the same side effects so I thought perhaps I should just stop taking them in general. I brought up the topic with Tyler and he seemed fine with it....though, to be honest, we haven't been "baby dancing" much anyway. It may be TMI, but our sex life has definitely had it's ups & downs over the years. Since I've gone off the pill, I have found a HUGE increase in my desire to "get busy". I'm not sure if it's my body's way of trying to get knocked up or if I am just one of the lucky ones who loses their desire when on birth control.

Our challenge last time, which looks like it'll be affecting us this time, is timing. Last time Tyler was working out of town, sometimes 2 weeks at a time, so it took us a full year of trying. Though that time around Tyler really wanted me to let nature take it's course whenever the universe decided it was time. This time, I am embracing my inner Type A personality and keeping track of my supposed fertility times. Hopefully it won't take us 12 months to conceive this time! I'm hoping for the sooner the better, but I'd still be happy if it was with 6 months (as that would give us a due date of January - June). Tyler is working nights so our opportunity to "baby dance" is limited to when he gets home (5am), a few hours in the afternoon if it's feasible (not likely), and weekends. Thus, it may take some time to get things going.

Sooooo, all of this is on the down low.  Since it took so long last time, I don't really want to deal with everyone asking me if it's happened yet for another painful year. Plus, Tyler deals with things better if they are more subtle LOL As far as he's concerned, we aren't really trying, but if it happens it happens and I'm just going to be attempting to seduce him more.  I debated even blogging about it as I'd kind of like to keep it a secret & not jinx it but I thought I'd take the chance anyway.

As a favor, I ask that all of you don't talk about it to others outside our blogging world or especially on facebook, and to also please not ask me if it's happened yet. When it does, I will definitely be letting most of you know as you are on my "first contact" list.

Past Lives Hypno Regression

I discovered that we have a neat little store in Leduc called "Everyday Miracles". They have spa services, reiki, tarot readings and every Wednesday a Meditation Night.  Mary (my mother-in-law) & I decided to check it out a few weeks ago. We found out that sometimes the Meditation Nights are actually talks by different professionals in the field. The night we went, a gentleman named Chris Lee was doing a talk on past life regression via hypnosis.  Here's some of what he shared with us:

-He orginally started with "regular" hynotheraphy but only had a 20% success rate (for issues such as weight loss, smoking cessessation, fears, etc) . He believed in past lives, so if you have baggage from a previous life and you are only addressing issues in this life, it could account for the smaller success rate. When he integrated the past lives hypno, his success rate went up to 95%.

-He calls it the "unanswered sound" problem. An analogy: if you wake up in the middle of the night and hear an unknown sound, it freaks you out.  Say the next morning you notice your neighbors new metal trash cans fell over and that accounts for the sound. If you hear the sound the next night, it doesn't affect you the same way. Issues from past lives have the same pattern, once you identify why you feel a certain way, it doesn't effect you anymore.

-He is NOT a psychic, so it is not Chris telling you about your lives. It is him coaching you, to remember your own. It feels like you are making it up, but the information comes so quickly, detailed and with emotion that most of us aren't really capable of that kind of creativity!

There are a lot more details I could get into but it doesn't entirely impact my story...anyway you don't have to really BELIEVE in past lives, if you simply let it happen & it get results, then who cares the real reason why? Personally I do believe in past lives as part of my spirtual philosophy (which I'll get into some other time).

So Mary & I both decided to try a session. It was an hour & a half long. I should mention that I have done two bouts of hypnotherapy sessions before with other hypnotists. While I had little success with it in terms of my issues, I did learn the hypnosis process very well, thus I "go under" easier than first timers and get "deeper".

I did the therapy for three issues:

-neck pain,

-mood swings,

-weight.

Neck Pain: I have been having chronic headaches and neck pain since January. I have seen the chiropractor 8-9 times since then and had short term success with it. During my hypnosis, Chris told me to go to the life that my neck pain originates from. I found myself with a rope around my neck, waiting to be hung during the witch trials. I could totally feel the material & weight of the rope very vividly. I didn't feel immediate pain relief, but after about 1 day the neck pain went away. I haven't felt it since, despite doing the activities that normally re-agitated it (playing with my iPhone, the laptop, etc).

Mood Swings: Since I was a teenager, I (& those around me) have suffered from my mood swings. I can be totally fine and then super emotional. It's often like an out of body experience where my logical mind is watching myself and is like "what are we doing?" For this issue, I went back to the civil war time where my husband was fighting in the war. I so desperately wanted him to come home, and he did but things were not the same. Some days would be fine almost normal, but then other days were forlorn and depressing. It's only been a few weeks, but I haven't had the swing down since & I've found that my patience with Dexter has grown.

Weight: I went to a life where I was a 6 year old boy in Ireland, during famine times. It was my job to find food in other people's garbage, gardens, etc since I was small enough to go unnoticed or at the least, unpunished. We were poor and definitely starving. My little sister, 2 years old, died from starvation/disease.  I felt responsible for her death and deeply saddened (in fact, during my regression I had a strong reaction to this and actually cried!). My baggage from this life caused me to hoard food, eat food when I wasn't hungry, and constantly bring food with me because I was worried to go without. Since then, I can honestly say that I don't feel those unnatural urges anymore, my appetitie has gone down, and I've been satisfied with eating less.  However, it must be said that I still struggle with choosing nutrious foods over junk foods.  I checked my weight a few days ago & I have lost a few pounds :-) I feel that some issues (like my weight), can be an accumulation of many issues and this helped one of them. 

I'd love to do the hypnosis regression again and uncover a few more things in my life.  All in all, it was a positive experience.  One more neat thing I'd like to share, is that in one of my lives, I had a very vivid impage of a bridge where I was parked on the river bank. I knew I was in Detroit in the 50s/60s.  After my session, I googed "bridges detroit" and on the first page found a picture of that exact bridge, and found that it was there at that time. Very neat!  As far as I know, it's not that famous of a bridge & I don't recall having any knowledge of it prior.

In a Funk

I'm getting sleepy so I'll make this one short: I'm in a bit of a boredom funk...still.  I'm not sure how or what I want to do but I need to do something. I'm so funked that I even, briefly, thought about going to Grimshaw for like a month to hang out with my Mom. Grimshaw.  Crazy!  When I came back into my sanity I remembered the millions of reasons why that would suck.  Anyhoo, I'll keep you posted on this.

P.S. I would also like to earn some extra money in a easy, non-sales, non-committed way so that I can go shopping more often and without guilt. Any ideas?

Coupon & Hair Challenges

Finding a great hair stylist that listens to you, knows your hair and has a similar style to your own is tough.  In my life, I have loved two stylists: one back in Grimshaw (who is probably no longer very current) and Megan in Red Deer. I found Megan six years ago and we had many lovely hair styles during those years (and a few flops looking back). While I enjoyed our time together, I was looking forward to a fresh relationship with someone local here in Leduc.  I still cherish Megan as a friend, but we were running out of hair ideas together...plus I didn't want a three hour round trip commute every time I needed a trim.

Tyler had bought a coupon book for Leduc & area businesses and it expires April 1. I was feeling in a real funk about my hair so decided to use the "free cut" coupon as a way to test out a new stylist. I asked her to keep my length in the front, clean up the back (I like an inverted bob which is short in the back and longer in the front) and was thinking about some bangs so asked for a semi-bang.  Well she cut AND styled my hair in 15 minutes.  That is not very long. I often don't like the way someone styles my hair so though I didn't like the way it looked I thought I could fix it by de-poufing it when I got home (a.k.a. straightening iron).  At home, I discovered she basically did the opposite of what I asked: too long and bulky in the back, too short in the front. My hair will grow back, but unfortunately for the stylist, she blew it and I won't be going back to her. As I stared at my botched cut and my 2 inches of graying roots I decided to use a box dye of brown.  A few hours later my cut still sucked and though I didn't have gray anymore (woo hoo!), my hair still looked bland.

I decided to go to a more trendy salon in town and get some streaks and see if they could fix my cut - no coupon this time.  Apparently I wasn't specific enough when I said streaks (I prefer more chunks of color than an all over look). Though it still looks better than my drab brown. She was able to somewhat fix my cut by thinning out the bulkiness and making it less round (though still too round for my tastes). She also gave me some real bangs as I opted to try those. Again, she styled it way unlike me - and she was a young thing. But I came home looking like a Grandma.  So I went into the bathroom again, straightened it, cut my bangs a little shorter and came out looking halfway decent. It's sad that I had 2 cuts and came out still unsatisfied but hopefully I'll fare better next time. I'll definitely go back to the same salon but I might try to get into a different stylist, one I was recommended to by another Mommy (who's hair I like).

The other coupon fiasco is one I had for a free manicure, coincidently at the same place as my first haircut. This was after I had my hair fixed so I conveniently wore a hat & I don't think she noticed - if she did, she didn't let on. The nail lady was different than the stylist so I thought I'd give her a shot. While she did take a little more time for me and I didn't feel rushed, the paint job was pretty pathetic.  Especially considering she's suppose to be a professional.  She missed the edges of my nails, only did one THIN coat, and it chipped pretty quickly after. She seemed nice enough but the whole salon had a negative energy that I didn't enjoy.  I'm not one to really go to get my nails painted but I do like to get pedicures sometimes and I wouldn't go there for that. Not a very relaxing atmosphere.