In the past few weeks I have been craving change. You may think this crazy, as we just moved to a whole new city after almost ten years, which would be change enough for most people. However, though I am very happen with our move, I am still feeling like something is missing in my day-to-day life, some sort of fulfilment.
I talked to a friend of mine, who is in the process of adopting, and I thought maybe that is the project I’m looking for. I’ve always had it in my mind, that I would like to adopt. I brought up the subject with Tyler, who admitted that he wasn’t too comfortable with adopting – at least at this point in our lives. He fears that he wouldn’t be able to bond with a child not of our blood & bone. I am confident that he would be a wonderful father to any adoptive children, as he is very loving, but I just didn’t feel like pressing the point right now. A few other factors “scared” me off of this idea right now, 1) you have to have a seperate, dedicated room for an adopted child (and we currently have a 2 bdrm +den situation happening that I am happy with and don’t feel like changing), 2) it’s a very rigourous process and Tyler & I might not be mentally up for that as we are still adjusting to seeing each other daily, & 3) it can be financially draining and that may not be the best investment of our money right now. Final conclusion: the timing doesn’t seem right.
Next, I thought that maybe I am ready to try for baby #2. While in the past year, I was fairly certain I didn’t want another child, in the past month I have done a 180. The first thing to change my mind, is that we went to a playdate. During the playdate & for the rest of the day, Dexter was the happiest boy. He had a grin on his face that just wouldn’t go away and I loved that. Secondly, is that I really did love being pregnant, and I want that experience again. Third, is that things are starting to get less hectic with Dexter as he becomes more independent so I could see being able to handle it. Also, Dexter has brought so much happiness to my life, I’d really like to have another. When we’re old, I’d like to play the odds of having more than one child so that hopefully at least one of them will invite us over and take care of us LOL Those things considered, I don’t see us trying in the very near future. For one, I am still weaning from breastfeeding (down to once a day, first thing in the morning to buy me more sleep in time). So I’d like a little break, with my body to myself for a while. Also, though I want to be pregnant, I am dreading labour. This time around I’d like to be more prepared physically…i.e. lose some weight, develop some endurance and muscle mass. I think I would have a better labor experience if I was in shape and I also think the epidural would be more effective if I was at a healthier weight. I’m also hoping a new hospital with a better epidural guy will do the trick! Lastly, and most importantly, is that Tyler isn’t on board for baby #2 yet. It’s a little hard to get pregnant by yourself ha ha
Currently I am thinking some sort of career change. It looks like I’m coming to an end of my catalogue business days. I got a letter saying that if I didn’t submit $400 in orders for Everyday Style/Home & Gift by Sept 30, I’d no longer be active. I had an open house on Wednesday and so far only have $77 in sales from that. I also had two individual orders before that, bringing my total to $177…less than half of what I need. I have two people left who may order, and then I’ll know if I’m staying active or not. The thing is, that people just don’t seem that interested in it anymore. When I first started, there was a lot of interest and buyers, but now not so much. I loved aspects of it, such as writing up orders, figuring out party sales and benefits, entering orders into the computer, meeting new people. But I dreaded the “sales” end of things, making cold calls, pestering people and I was also terrible when it came to sorting orders and delivering products (super procrastinator). I often came home exhausted from a night of being “on” at parties and there was nothing more defeating than a low sales party. Plus I’m sure I routinely spent more than I ever earned. I’m happy for what the experience gave me (less shyness, business savy, and a trip to Greece), but I think it may be the end of this road…
Where does my new career road go? I’m not sure yet. I love money (sorry if that offends you, but I do), and I love having some sort of business purpose, but I don’t want sometime that takes me away from Dexter (& Tyler) too much. I want to find something that fulfils me, I’m passionate about, that utilizes my talents, skills and interests. I think its going to take some soul searching, researching and deep thought before I take my next step. Though, ultimately, I would love, Love, LOVE if I was the huge breadwinner in the family, so long as it didn’t take away FROM my family
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