My brother came to stay with us for a weekend in January and just never left. He's been working so that isn't an issue, but there are a few others for me.
1. I'm Anal about Certain Things - over the years, and compounded by my bitchiness from being pregnant, I like things a certain way. When it's just Tyler & I in the house (for adults) it's pretty easy to keep things in order and to my specifications. There are hundreds of little things...I'll try to think of some of them.
-I like my margarine/peanut butter/jam etc clean. Like there shouldn't be any jam in the peanut butter, no toast crumbs or garlic in the margarine.
-I like to have my own toothpaste that no one else uses. Tyler & I each have our own tube (different brands), and sometimes Cody uses mine. I think it's gross.
-He used to use our bath towels all the time. I am referring to the ones we used & then hung up for our next use. I don't understand it. We actually built a hallway closet specifically so that Cody could find and use his own fresh towels.
-We're in the habit of cleaning our dishes off and putting them either in the dishwasher or on the counter ready for the dishwasher. He often will leave food (such as salsa) in the bowl & add water then leave them in the sink. Not really that helpful.
-We only have ONE bathroom, so sometimes he is in there when I need to be (especially with pregnancy bladder).
-He often leaves dishes in his room for a disturbing amount of time. I'm not cool with that. One day at the most is my limit.
-I have a "junk food drawer" and he raids it. Which stresses me and makes me want to wolf down my food so that I get it, instead of just savoring it and eating it when I truly want.
-He drinks a ridiculous amount of milk, way more than we drink, which makes it hard for me to keep milk in the fridge. It's really annoying when you want to have cereal in the morning and there is no milk left.
2. I'll Give You a Hand Up but not a Hand Out - My brother is 23 years old and has a steady job. Logically, there is no reason he can't have his own living space. I didn't charge him any rent for a few months, but as of May I started charging him $200/month just to get him in the habit of paying something. Realistically that isn't much considering he doesn't buy groceries (though he doesn't eat at home that much either). If Cody was using this time to save his money and get ahead I'd be more willing to let him stay longer. However, I have seen many examples of frivilious spending over the months. My mom "manages" his money, but really she's just a glorified ATM. She makes sure his bills are paid and allots his money out over the weeks. There is no savings and no real accountability for where his money actually goes. Examples of Spending:
-He doesn't buy groceries. So on a daily basis he is either not eating, or spending money at convenience stores and restaurants.
-He's a smoker, of cigarettes & pot. I got him to figure it out and he figures he spends close to $500/month.
-His girlfriend lives in the north end of Edmonton. Often, (I'm not sure exactly why as she has her own vehicle), he will go pick her up, bring her to my house, and then take her back home. This is four trips in one day at 45 minutes a piece! To me that is a waste of fuel. She could either drive her own vehicle here, or he can hang at her place. When I've asked him why he has said 1) she doesn't like to drive in bad weather & 2) she can't afford it. News flash: he can't afford it either.
-He likes to act like a "big man" by buying her dinner, clothes, and extravagent gifts. He was talking about buying her an iPad2 for her birthday. I don't think so! They haven't even been dating a full year yet. Plus, it's just plain old not in his budget.
-Over the last few months, I have noticed him spending money on his car. He got some sort of fuel injection system that was $600 (not a necessity), he bought a bunch of paint and was painting his interior, and exterior. Things that again are not necessities, when you should be saving up to move out.
-Child support. He currently pays somewhere in the ball park of $700/month on child support from his two different kids from two different moms. Sad, especially when you take into account how many times his current girlfriend has had a "pregnancy scare" since they've been dating. He obviously hasn't learned his lesson.
-He frequently comes home with new shoes, clothes, hats, etc.
-He doesn't know how to say no when he can't afford something. Ex, he drove to Medicine Hat two weeks ago, for the day, to buy some tools off my uncle. Cody didn't have the money for the fuel to go there OR for the tools he bought. He borrowed it from his girlfriend to get there and back ($160), then borrowed from me to put fuel in his car for the week ($70). I then found out he "owed" money to a friend for that week too. So by the time he got paid on the Friday, a good chunk of his paycheque was spent. He then slept in for work the next day, so work sent another guy in his place & he didn't get to work. His solution? Told them he wasn't going to work Saturdays for them anymore cuz he needed to go do "sidejobs". (One of which he has had on his agenda for a month & I'm pretty sure hasn't done yet). This week was the last straw for me and when I started planning his eviction.
-I also found out he has 3 photo radar tickets at my parents house that he has to pay for, another fantastic waste of money and show of disrespect for adult life.
DISCLAIMER: I, in no way, am saying I am perfect spender. But I feel like he can learn from the error of my ways...and I am not a mooch.
3. I believe in Independance - I feel like at this point, my brother needs to sink or swim on his own. The sad thing is that my mom will never let him sink, so he won't know what pride there is on doing things on your own and being successful. My dad has also pointed out that if my parents were to die suddenly, my brother would be hooped. He wouldn't know how to survive in real life with no safety net.
-I have also always had the drive to be independent and on my "own" (figuratively speaking now that I am married). I couldn't wait to move out of my parents and have my own bills and food and space. Thus, I can't relate to people who don't have the same drive (and honestly, I know too many that don't).
4. Our Own Space - There are little things that I miss about having our house to ourselves. This place is smaller than our Red Deer house, so with Cody here, we don't have any space for guests (or a bed as he's using our guest bed). We have some things we want to do in the basement (concrete work, constructing a bathroom), and it's pretty challenging when he's using 1/3 - 1/2 the space.
Don't get me wrong, things were mostly fine with Cody living here or we wouldn't have put up with it for so long. He honestly isn't here that much between work & his girlfriend, and when he is, he tends to be helpful with Dexter. But he has never offered to do the garbage, mow the lawn, sweep a floor...anything like that. He has cleaned the kitchen, at the most, 5 times since January. And I think I'm being generous with the five (and it was probably his girlfriend mostly as she was here at the time). So yeah, it's time for me to cut the strings. I wasn't sure how to go about it, but at dinner last night it sort of came up "as a joke" and I wrote up an eviction letter for him on a napkin effective October 1 at the latest. So we'll see how that goes!
