I'm pretty sure every mother suffers from some sort of guilt regarding her parenting. For myself, I flipflop between knowing I'm a good mom and then worrying that I'm really not.
When I am at my best, I feel like I am a good Mom. I look for activities to do for Dexter and with Dexter. I like to have a variety of in the house, out of the house, by himself, with other kids, with just me, with just Daddy and with us both. I want to give him the gift of Independence but also be confident in the security of our love. I want him to be gentle but strong. It's a tall order! But at the same time, I have given myself the gift of loving imperfection of both myself and Dexter.
My brother-in-law often bragged about his daughter (Kira) and how she was a super hero at everything she did. While the act itself is very common and forgivable in parents, I perceived his particular attitude as "if my daughter wasn't overachieving I wouldn't love her as much. I vowed that I would try to be a parent who outwardingly showed my child(ren) that I loved them for them, whether ahead of the game, keeping pace or even under achieving. I can often be quoted as saying "they are all fairly equal by kindergarden". I often find, too, that kids may do well in one area (ex Dexter walked earlish at 10 months), and then be slower in another (he still doesn't say many distinguishable words).
Another thing I wanted to try to do was to "act like a mom of three" with the first one. By this I mean that moms of mulitple children tend to be more easy going about a lot of things like colds, falls, germs, etc. I wanted to take advantage of this knowledge and not sweat the small stuff with Dexter so that we'd both have an enjoyable time instead of me fretting about every little thing. It definitely took a while and continues to be a work in progress but I can see the contrast with my new friend Shannon with her 19 month old Josephine. I think she's awesome, but I also think she's have a lot more fun if she let loose a little more :-) Tyler lead the way for me with Dexter's falls, bumps & bruises, and adventuressness but Tyler could learn to be a little less anal about messes. Kids makes messes and honestly, if it can easily be cleaned up then why fret about it?
I am really good about taking breaks and time for myself. The old adage "you can't pour water from an empty pitcher" is my motto. But here's where my guilt starts to slip in. I love my ME time and that makes me feel like less of a mom. Like I should want to spend every waking second with my child. Also, when we are in a group situation (like dinner in a restaurant or having company over or at someone else's house) and Tyler is around I tend to totally focus on socializing and leave the child minding to Tyler (which he does SO well). In fact it feels like I completely block Dexter out and forget I have a child. I question myself and wonder if that is normal or if it makes me a bad mom? In my defense, when it is Dexter & I out and about I am perfectly capable of multitasking socialzing or shopping with watching him.
Other things I feel guilty about:
We also still don't have a solid routine yet. We have a somewhat schedule in that Dexter usually gets up around 9am, we have breakfast, some random stuff and then I try to get him to start his nap by 3pm. We don't have a bedtime routine...we don't do bathes every night, we're still working on teeth brushing every day...
